Like the One-Eyed Owl

Here in the “wilderness” I have been randomly selected to participate in Bird Training, which means that I have the opportunity to learn more about Ornithology and I get to do cool things like carry around raptures, like a Red Tailed Hawk and a few owls, feed them dead mice, and eventually I’ll have the skills to teach and present to children all this wealth of knowledge I gain. 

At 7:50 am, I pulled my Rock Port hiking shoe laces as tight as I could bare, grabbed my vegan snacks (yep, I’m vegan now) of fresh carrots and celery, and headed out the back door to our trail that leads to the Bird houses.  Excited and tempted to sing the Smurf song, I nearly skipped all the way to my new training grounds.

Ready to go, another colleague and I arrived almost simultaneously.   There was already a trained staff member cleaning the mews that house the birds.  When I walked into the lab room that temporarily cages birds during classes, there was a scent that I will never forget.  It didn’t quite repel me as much as the Turkey Vulture smells. Turkey vultures have a habit of vomiting on themselves and everything around them to cool down.  Thankfully we don’t house vultures of any kind, because I would have to turn down bird training because the smell will literally make me sick. 

Yuk.  Now I’m getting nauseas writing about it

Eager to train us,  we too were eager to learn and get started. I carefully watched and listen to every direction our trainer provided on how to properly tie and position the birds on our leather gloves, using jesses and a fake stuffed owl.  After spending about a half hour practicing the proper technique,  we dropped our stuffed friend on the table and headed to the mews.

Because it was my first day, we were told to handle the one of the little owls first.  The owl that destiny chose for me to meet is blinded in his right eye because he was hit by a truck on the highway.  Yeah, this owl is a survivor and that’s why I was so happy to have him with me during my first bird carrying experience. 

Slightly grumpy, he looked at me through his one eye and sized me up.

“Who are you,”  said his expression. 

I moved slowly and calmly and perched my figures up as the trainer instructed.

“Hello, I’m Prisci.”  I calmly introduced myself.  “Nice to meet you.”

Carefully, I locked him off in my glove and walked around our presentation space comfortably holding him on my pointer fingers.

He was definitely not comfortable.

“I don’t know you lady.  And besides, I’m grumpy. Why did you have to wake me up?!” I heard him say this as he tried his best to peck my fingers off through the thick leather clove.  It was actually kind of cute. Look at us, already having a love hate relationship…Ha.

Eventually, my little friend calmed down and he let me touch his feathers.  From what I’m told, birds don’t like to be touched… it messes up their feathers… but he let me.

I wouldn’t doubt if he could sense our connection.

Just like my little owl friend, I’ve been through a hell of a lot.  I grew up in a dramatic scenario with my parents’ separation, by middle school my family had to make a drastic decision to move overseas, leaving family and peers behind.  Let’s see I moved again … and again … And I was pretty much the new girl in school throughout middle and high school.  In my naïve days, I was kidnapped by someone who I later found out was a FELON,  I’ve been sexually offended , I’ve been abandoned by “love ones,”  I was tricked by people who preyed on my musical talents and dreams, lied to and stolen from by a mentor.

 Geese.. now that I think about it, I mind as well sum it all up and say that I was hit by a truck too because I was VERY suicidal. Thankfully, I survived it all and after I was centered and I was rescued by love, just like my little owl friend. We’ve both accepted our calling to use our bruises and scars to inspire and educate others. 

So that’s what I do. I mean, that’s what WE, survivors, do.

And all though my owl friend and I may have had a rough start, with each other and a rough start in life, our purposes in this world are quite similar.



My first time.. was the BEST TIME!

I've had the BEST weekend ever... Not only did I get a chance to chill with some cool people and go out of the wilderness for a bit... I was able to go on a boat trip and wakeboard... for my first time.

I honestly didn't think that I was going to be in the water that day.  I was dressed in my "chill out" clothes.  You know a long wrap dress and nice t-shirt... sandles.  I didn't have a bathing suit, I was planning to literally.. CHILL.

SO, here's how I was convienced to get into the water. After riding and watching everyone enjoy the Lake water, a collegue of mine gave me a challenge, and if you know anything about me.. the one thing you know is that I DO NOT turn down challenges too often.  It's a strength and weakness but this time I was so glad I decided to take on her bet.

"Prisci's not dressed to get in the water." as I layed back in the sun and enjoyed the ride.

"So, Prisci.. the only way I'm going to wakeboard is if you do," and there came the pressure.  Well, honestly it wasn't that much because I secretly wanted to feel the cold water, that occasionally splashed on my arm, to be all over my body.

After a few more probes, I finally got the nerve to just switch bottoms and tops with two of my co-workers... and I went for it. 

I strapped on a life vest.  Listened carefully to the instructions that Nate, the owner of the boat and the professional water wakeboarder, gave so profoundly. 

There were a few girls that went before this "challenge" came about.  Only one other girl managed to get above the water before me... but I observed their every move, even though, initially, I wasn't planning on getting in. 

I'm so thankful I did.  I had the time of my life.

My first time.. was literally the best time.. because on my FIRST TRY I was on top of the water. Holding on, in amazement at myself, my 60 second adventure ended as my excitement and unbelief got the best of me.  But, like the defiante leo that I am, I got up and did it all over again..

It feels so good to allow life to just happen these days.  I wasn't planning on going on a boat this weekend.. but it happen because my energy allowed it.. and that feels good to know that I'm responsible for ALLOWING such a beautiful experience with such beautiful people. 

Dancing in the Rain

There are a few things that everyone wants do in their life, at least once, before they die.  One of my “To Do’s” was accomplished yesterday, on a Tuesday night.  After a long day of walking trails, shadowing another colleague in an ornithology class, and spending time doing lab work in the administrative office, my colleagues and I randomly congregated at one of the cabins.  

Earlier during the day, I was coaching myself through a down moment again.  Monitoring my feelings, I needed to focus on creating positive thoughts and feelings about where I am.  After listening to one of my favorite motivational speakers, Abraham Hicks, I was set to look for the things in my life that easily reflect the abundance I desire.

“Notice the abundance of the trees, the amount of leaves that are on each of them.  Notice the abundance of grains of dirt that it takes to make the fields and trails that I walk on every day. Notice the abundance of clouds in the sky.”  These are the directions I gave to myself as I aimed to get back into a place where I could feel abundant about life again. Ahh.. It worked. 

The truth is guys, as much as I try to stay positive, I sometimes struggle with it.  The good thing is I’ve been able to get myself back on track a lot faster lately.  I’ve learned that it’s not about trying to STOP thinking negatively, but it’s about trying to think more positive more frequently.  It’s a process that will exist until my new habits take over and become a part of my character.  

So, as I made the decision to change my perspective, I got off work and low and behold a celebration awaited me.  I walked up to our cabins and the majority of my colleagues stood outside eating chili made by a very sweet girl who loves to be the group’s Betty Crocker.   We drank beer, put some dance party music on, and when the lighting and thunder interrupted our conversations, we celebrated shouting “Rain!! Rain!” as if we were Native Americans thanking the heavens for watering our crops.

I never thought I would ever find a group of people willing to just let the rain fall on them and DANCE IN IT!  Within the past few years, I’ve grown a true fondness for rain and it’s funny that I’ve also grown a true appreciation and understanding for the “rainy” days within my life.  So many times in the past I’ve dreaded the rain, I’ve dreaded the clouds, I’ve dreaded the thunder, and I’ve dreaded the cold wind that accompanies the cold feelings that used to overwhelm me.  In life, I am no longer afraid of the rain or thunder as I’ve learned to embrace and celebrate it all. 

So we dance and dance and dance.  The rain poured down, and we dance in it.

Recyled Thoughts Become Recycled Actions.

Entering into my fourth week here in my “wilderness” period and I feel more aligned than I can remember.   This weekend was amazing!  I was able to step outside of the forest and socialize for a change. Spontaneously, a few of my colleagues and I decided to visit Atlanta for the weekend.   Our first adventure included going to a Braves game.  Baseball isn’t a sport that I follow but I really enjoy being outside in the sun, rooting for men I don’t know that are passionate about what they do.  Play ball!

Sipping on my seven-dollar Budweiser, we all sang “Take me out to the ball game,” as the words flashed brightly across the screens of Turner Field.  What a beautiful day to see the Braves win in the ninth inning.  And to add the cherry on top, there was a FREE CONCERT afterwards that I was not expecting!

The famous 70’s band Styx came out to perform.  As “seasoned” as they are, their performance was truly inspiring.  I can only pray for a career that last as long as theirs.  Geesh… it’s been almost forty years since their prime.  Although their attire seemed to be a little “young,” I was amused by their zeal for performing.

After the Braves won, we all decided to hang out and WHAT A NIGHT IT WAS!  One of my colleagues grew up in an area that I’m quite familiar with, its near Little Five Points of Atlanta.  Her mother prepared a fabulous dinner for us and we all sat around a table like a family and laughed about our experiences in the “wilderness.” 

“Prisci, the penguin!”  This was a running joke we’ve had since our second week at the camp.  Long story short, it was a name game song created to help students and staff members remember each other’s names.  Let’s just say it was a REALLY large group and I just so happen to be the first person whose name was repeated the most out of the entire group.  So, turns out the name game does work, it’s just a little annoying, but in a fun way.  Hey, at least everyone remembered my name J

After dinner, we all headed out to one of my FAVORITE secret afterhours spots in Atlanta.  Well, it’s not so “secret” anymore, but if you’re ever in the ATL you have to go to a spot called MJQ.  It’s an underground dance club with a great mixed crowd, cheap drinks, and if you care more about having a good time than “stunting” then this is the place for you! Besides, it’s where the cool people hang. Lol. Anywho, the night was amazing.

Sunday morning was even better!  We visited an arts festival that just so happen to be in my favorite park, Piedmont Park.  It was SO inspiring to see the beautiful creations, paintings, sculptures, and listen to different types of musicians express themselves all under the same sun at the same time.  I mean, I was so positively overwhelmed with creative energy.  I fell in love every artistic expression surrounding me, including the bucket drummer... amazing!

We ate funnel cake, chilled out in the grass and "people watched," and I even met an artist by the name of Madison Latimer whose energy and paintings were so vibrant I just had to spark a conversation with her. 

As I stared in awe of her bright colored chickens and roosters, she welcomed my energy into her world.

“What’s your name darling?” She asked with a slight southern drawl.

“It’s Prisci Polet,” excited she asked.

“That’s a beautiful name. You must be an artist with a name like that.”

I told her I was a creator.  I love creating music and I love expressing what I learn through all types of art as well.  Immediately, I could feel her awareness of the creative energies that lies within us all.  She was magnetic.

 “Is there any advice you would give an artist like me?” I asked inquisitively, awaiting a magical answer.

“Sing with the birds every morning.  Sometimes we forget to carry out our creations on the daily bases.”

“Yes ma’am.  I will.  Thank you.” 

As simple as her instructions may have been, I can honestly say that in the past I’ve never simplified my gift to that extent.  Sing with birds?!  What a statement! When I think about it, I really do hear them sing every day, whether it’s raining, snowing, foggy, or sunny, I ALWAYS hear the birds. 

Speaking of, this Monday morning was recycle day at “the wilderness” and as we separated a parking lot full of plastic, aluminum, and random trash pieces, I vividly remembered her instructions and I sing whatever came to my heart.  I sung about ants, I sung about God, I sung about “working on the railroad,” I sung to bring joy, I sung to heal, and I sung to release all negative emotions and thoughts that came to mind about what I was doing, and, guess what,  it worked.  Sure, it would’ve been easy for me to be pissed off.  Who wants to separate trash for hours?  Well, apparently I did because by 5pm it was all done.

Separating the recyclables from the trash was actually quite similar to what I practice inside of my head.  Good thought. How about I save that so I can use that again later?  Negative thought.  How about I trash that thought forever?  Ahh… life.  What a recycler in itself. 

I am NOT a "CHRISTIAN"

When I’m around a new group of people, there are three things that I try to avoid talking about…gossip, politics and religion.  As most of you have probably experienced, these types of conversations always end up in some type of pointless debate that may voice opinions but very rarely concludes anything.  The war between Palestine and Israel that has been going on for thousands of years, being democrat or republican, and someone’s pointless opinion about someone else’s “problem” are a few examples of why I prefer not to discuss these topics with people. 

So, I’ve been here at the camp for about three weeks now, and I’ve warmed up to many of them here and there have been many discussions around a wide range of topics that I choose to either tune into and not say a word… or, I might put my two cents in if I’m asked.

 “You’re a Christian right?” one of my colleagues asked feeling quite assured.

I knew immediately that someone either told her something about me or she may have seen the few books I have in my room that include the “Holy Bible” and concluded that I was a Christian.

“Well, I don’t claim any type of religion but I do believe in the story of Jesus and the message he brought to the world.”

 I knew I could’ve said a simple yes or no to end the conversation quickly, but there’s never an easy answer for me when it comes to this particular question.  Not because I don’t know where I stand, but because the term “Christian” can be interpreted in many different ways and it comes with way too many assumptions and baggage.  So I choose to say that I’m NOT a Christian or a representative of any other religion. I’m simply a child of the Creator who created me and the entire universe and beyond.

“Oh, someone told me you were a Christian so what exactly do you believe?”

“… Here we go,” I thought to myself.  I’m still trying to figure out how to “word” this complicated topic within myself, but I decided I would answer it the best way I could, from an honest heart.

 “Well, I believe that there is a Creator who creates everything we see and don’t see and the creator is Love.  I believe that this energy of Love is all around us, in the trees, in the people, in the animals, in the air and there’s a balance within this energy that allows everything to happen as it does for a reason that we sometimes know and sometimes don’t know.”

She smiled and nodded her head as if she wanted me to continue.  

“ When it comes to “Jesus” I believe that he was a great man and I believe that, yes he’s  a Son of God whose purpose in life, like many other great people who came before and after him, was to deliver a wonderful message that, if followed, will SAVE you from the terrors of your own perspectives.  Love is the only thing we should all be doing with ourselves and towards one another and all of the Creator’s creation. “

Nodding her head after every statement, I could tell that she understood me and agreed. 

“That’s a great perspective.  I’ve actually never heard it put like that before.” 

“Well, that’s a relief,” I thought to myself.  I’ve never heard me put it like that either.

 I was beginning to feel those knots in my stomach again that always seem to conveniently come every time I talk about my religious beliefs.  It’s almost like I’m sifting through degrees of information piled into my brain since I was born and freely choosing the ones that rest well with my soul.

  “So, you’re saying God created Satan?”

Yes, I’m saying that God created Satan, IF you believe in the existence of Satan.

Personally,  I don’t know anyone who has seen or met this character named Satan,  but everyone has seen and experienced the Creator’s “Love creations” because it exist all around us and continues to evolve, balance itself out, and expand. 

If the Creator (God) is Love, then how can Love create “evil”? The “how” is not what’s necessary to to know or understand in order to accept that IF “evil” does exist, then it TOO is created by the Creator, who is the CREATOR of ALL things.

It’s really nothing to debate about when you accept that everything is created by the energy of creation… Who is the CREATOR.  So, nothing in this world should be considered “bad” or “evil” if God, the Creator created it. 

“Wait a minute that’s false! What about people who kill other people?!  What about rapist? And terrorist? Isn’t that evil?!” I can hear the thoughts of the millions of people reading this…

Well of course it is!  According to Webster’s dictionary, the word evil means 1. morally reprehensible 2. arising from actual or imputed bad character or conduct.

Speaking as a person who used to be very Christian, I myself would often label things as evil when I knew in my heart they were not morally right, according to my perspective of course.   For example, Sex. Is sex evil?  Well, that depends on your perspective of choice, your religion, your culture, the way your parents raised you, and a number of factors.   

The “act” of sex and SEX itself are two different things. Why do I say this?  Because the Creator created SEX, and it becomes EVIL once our perspectives, morals and values, religious beliefs are attached to the ACT itself.   The same thing goes for the people, that the creator created, who are rapist, murderers, terrorist, etc.  If they exist, we should accept them as beings of the Creators creations and LOVE THEM!

Just because you don’t agree with someone’s actions, ways, or even understand why their doing “evil” things, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t love them.  In fact, one of my favorite messages of Jesus was that we should LOVE OUR ENEMIES and get them help! (Mathew 5:44)  Hurt people are the only people on the face of the earth that hurt other people. 

 See, the reason why I believe that Jesus life saved me, isn’t because the bible says he died on the cross, it’s not because the Christian community says that if I don’t accept him as the son of God and the ONLY way, then I’m going to go to hell… It’s, in fact, because of his message.

His message was (and still is) LOVE.  As a Jewish man who studied several different religious practices while he lived, Jesus was a man that I believe understood that God, the Creator, was inside of him.  His life’s message was not to bring religion called “Christianity” and it wasn’t a message that said promoted “evil” by saying we should respond to evil with evil.  In fact, he practiced responding to evil with LOVE which is from the CREATOR, WHO IS THE TRUTH OF ALL THINGS.

Jesus himself said, the greatest commandment was to LOVE the CREATOR with ALL your heart, with ALL your soul, and with your entire mind.

Now, let’s stop here for a second.  When we LOVE someone, if they bring us a present for our birthdays that we don’t like, would we throw it back at them and say this is wrong?! No, OF COURSE NOT! So why are we throwing things, ideas, cultures, people that EXIST ALREADY back in the CREATORS face? They exist for a reason! Otherwise, they would NOT exist!

 The creator created EVERYTHING.  Why are we so critical and comfortable with judging His creations?  He created all the religions, all the perspectives, all the opinions, all the positive energy, all the negative energy, all that was, and all that will be. 

 Fascinatingly enough, Jesus says the second greatest commandment is to LOVE your neighbor as yourself. From my understanding, Jesus wasn’t the first to say this.  In fact according to the Torah, which is the old testament of the bible that Christians follow,  the first commandment is to, “HAVE no other God’s before me,”  which to me simply means that there is ONE CREATOR, who is the CREATOR OF ALL THINGS IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE, so don’t accept the concept that there’s more than ONE.

SO, why are there so many traditions that FORGET that there is ONE CREATOR?  If every person can accept that there is ONE CREATIVE ENERGY THAT CREATED ALL THINGS, then we wouldn’t be critical of the things the CREATOR created, including the people who see the CREATOR in their own ways. 

The CREATOR has creatively created all the creations of the world as it is FOR A REASON.  This is an eternal CREATIVE process that exists on so many levels.  Think about the different worlds of creations right here on this planet that we DON’T know about.  The Creator’s creations are endless and we should honor and love them all!!

Learning to Climb

After my second morning of working out with my new Insanity crew, I took a long shower, made some oatmeal, put on my favorite Radiohead mix on my iPod, and started to meditate on affirmations for the day.  “Today will be a great day.”  … I repeated this over and over again as I opened the pages to a book I read to refresh my ever evolving mentality.

“I am willing to release all resistance” I recited. 

As I looked into my own eyes, standing in the mirror, I felt myself enter into the present moment of the day and it was then that I knew I was getting closer to creating a new experience.

In camp training today, we learned how to tie ropes, assemble harnesses, and how to use a belay device, which are a few skills we learned to rock climb.  The awesome thing about this is I’ve always wanted to learn how to rock climb! 

Now, this process was very intense and eventually became quite frustrating because we had coaches telling us everything we were doing right and everything we were doing wrong.  When it was my turn to be in charge of the belay, I wasn’t catching on to the correct hand movements as fast as I wanted to, so of course, in the middle of someone hanging off a rope 50 feet in the air, I’m beating myself up and I became very impatient with myself.

 “Why can’t you just get it right stupid?”  That’s pretty much the way I felt.  

As honest as this is, it was the perfect example of how I should NOT be speaking to myself. This was the very resistance I needed to willing release.  So, I decided to calm down, put on a new thought process and continue on in a better mentality. 

“Don’t criticize yourself, Prisci. You’re doing a great job,” I corrected myself.

Soon enough, I started to hear the voice of the coach say, “There you go Prisci. You’re doing great.”

I successfully guided two colleagues up the practice rock wall with no accidents.  It’s been a minute since I’ve been able to pat myself on the back and feel the essence of deserving it!  Finally, I'm comfortable enough to be easy on myself… encouragement never comes from a negative mentality and it never will.   I’m definitely going to aim to change the pace of my thought patterns more often, especially because it changed the tone of my first rock climbing experience in seconds! I bet if I were to continue to call myself “stupid” I would’ve made an even bigger mistake and endangered someone’s life.

Yikes. That was a close one.

   

Accountability is the Key

It’s my third week in my “Wilderness” and I feel excellent.  Today was the first day I started this workout program called Insanity.  I’ve attempted to do it in the past but I only made it to week 3.  Mark my words. I plan to make it to DAY 60 and BEYOND!    The fact that I have 5 other workout partners here at the camp is absolutely inspiring. 

My alarm clock went off at like 5:24 am.   I usually give myself a few minutes too roll around and contemplate if I want to get out of my warm cocoon before I jump out of bed.  But this morning, I didn’t have much to think about.  The only thing to run across my mind was that fact that I would be held accountable if I even considered not showing up, especially since it was my idea to do this "Insanity" program anyway.  Plus, I was the one with the dvd, so I would've pissed a lot of people off. 

The first day of the program is just a Fit Test, but please don’t think that it was in anyway easy.  Sean T., our new on-screen workout instructor, gave us 60 seconds to do a series of different workouts until we literally could not do any more.  The point of this is so we could all track our progress for the next, now 59, days.  I have to admit, I literally felt like I was going to throw up.  Out of all the girls I’m working out with, I know I’m the least in shape, which is ironic that I, the one getting the lowest “test scores” this morning, was the same one pumping everyone up prior to us working out.  Ha. 

Considering the fact that I’ve already attempted this program on my own several times before, I believe my new workout crew  is the reason I  will FINALLY complete the program.  I have accountability now.  And there are very few moments in my life that I can remember being excited about accountability.  Sometimes all we need is someone to keep their eyes on us; at least that’s the case for someone like me who can very easily slip into "excuse mode." 

Sounds something like,

"I'll just wait until next week." (which turns into next month.. which turns into 3 months... lol)

Inspired by the exhaustion of my workout, I ate a small bowl of oatmeal, an orange, and a boiled egg for breakfast, a wonderful chicken spinach salad for lunch, and a small portion of rice and beans for dinner.  I think I’m getting the hang of this healthy thing.   I just have to forget the fact that it’s just my first day and accept the fact that everyday should feel like the first day, exciting, motivational, and (for lack of a better word) pumped. 

Accountability is the reason I didn’t roll over  at 5:24 am and accountability is the reason I will be successful at whatever I do, I just have to make sure I notice the eyes watching me… even if they are God’s eyes.  

A Snake Bit Me!!!

I never thought I’d be playing with snakes, cockroaches, lizards, toads, or baby alligators.  I admit, I’ve had a fascination for animals since I can remember, but it was always a sort of  “long distance relationship.”  Often times, I would read about them, watch the discovery channel, you know play with some housed pets, and every once in a while carefully run away from them so they can have their space.

But, thanks to my temporary home in the wilderness, we are able to bond a lot more intimately and my love for them has sincerely evolved.   All of God’s creatures have a personality and, amazingly enough, the majority of the animals, I find, are just like us.

For the first time today I was bitten by a snake.  As horrible as the thought of that sounds, it was actually shockingly exciting.  First of all, I was already equipped mentally to be in its vicinity.  I am feeling pretty confident because I study some key characteristics about their personalities and make-ups and, therefore, I understand enough to feel like it’s safe to handle them. If I can identify the species of snake, then I can choose one of two options (a) I should walk away slowly if it’s venomous or (b) there’s nothing to fear, most snakes are not venomous and are actually safe and fascinating creatures.

So, yeah, I was bit by a snake, a harmless brown water snake to be exact.   As we were introducing ourselves to all the animals in the reptile/amphibian lab,   was encouraged to get familiar with all of them personally because in about 2 weeks, I’ll be teaching a group of students about all of them.  So, I went for it.  I played with a corn snake, a king snake, and the funny thing is as soon as I picked up the littlest snake of all… that’s when it happened.  It has a sort of Napoleon complex I guess.

As harmless as this little guy is, I can’t imagine this happening to me when I was walking in fear.  I know I would’ve never been able to add this to my list of “special” experiences because I would’ve been too scared to even try.  The beauty in the whole “snake bite” is the fact that I can say that I, Prisci Polet, survived one of my worst past fears, and it wasn’t nearly as close as the Anaconda movie made me think it would be…lol.

What’s the point in living in the wild if I can’t be wild?  The only reason I “survived” this incident, is because I’d already made up in my mind that it couldn’t really hurt me.  I didn’t panic. Instead I showed my small snake bit to the rest of the class as if it was the coolest thing to ever happen to me.

So what, maybe I came on too strong for our first date…lol.  But I guarantee you this, I’ll never forget him and based off of the little blood that he created from his tiny mouth, he will never forget me either.  Look at that. One of my worst fears and I are bonded forever, and I’ll never look at snakes, or any of my other nightmares the same.

(Feel free to read about my Day1-6 if you haven't already.. I'm in "The Wilderness" and I'll be typing up entries often)

“The Wilderness” -Labor Day

Labor Day weekend was one of those weekends that I intended to just relax but it didn't quite happen that way.  After my first week in my “wilderness,” I have to admit my exhaustion. I hiked, played team challenging games, learned about trees, insects species, lake ecology, and finally the weekend comes and I’ve got my heart set on spending time in my bed… Well, you’ve probably figured out by now that life didn’t turn out that way.

It actually turned out a lot better. J

I’m going to try keep this entry short and sweet, like the weekend I just experienced.  Yes I had a two day weekend, unlike the majority of Americans who partied, cooked out, or just relaxed for three whole days, I was busy re-adjusting my mentality and I actually worked today.  Although it wasn’t intentional, I definitely experienced a life changing revelation.

So what exactly happen?  I realized that as much as I was trying to be “positive,” during this experience in the wilderness, my higher self showed me that I not only must  change the way I think but I  must change what I believe.  I didn’t realize, until this weekend that my attempts to be “positive” was, yes, genuine, but they weren’t real because I was trying to convince myself  to like the things about life that I actually don’t like, instead of simply choosing to focus on the parts of my life that I actually do enjoy.

Let me give you a REAL LIFE example of what I mean.

So, again as the majority of you know, I am a singer/songwriter and that is one of my passions that I am moving towards creating a flourishing career out of.  Before this weekend, I would often notice the fact that I’m not doing that right now.  Of course, inevitable doubts, worries, and fears arrive and then I try to FORCE my self to be happy with not having my career just yet.

But, this weekend, all alone sitting in what I call, “intense silence,” which means that there’s a lot of back and forth conversation in my head, a very special message was revealed itself to me.  Being positive does not mean I have to lie to myself!  And you guys won’t believe how much relief follows that understanding.

In fact, we actually stop the universal flow of God’s blessings by thinking about things in that way.  Let me explain briefly, what you choose to focus on, make sure it’s something that you ACTUALLY FEEL POSITIVE about. God doesn’t want us to lie to ourselves, but recognize that we have a choice to choose what our minds will rest on.

If your bank account isn’t as full as you’d like it to be, don’t focus on that because it’s only going to bring your vibrations down.  Think of vibrations as a ladder that has everything you want at the very top and everything you DON’T want at the bottom.  When we feel down… we go down the ladder.  When we feel good, we move upwards.  So what does that tell us?  The most important thing is our FEELINGS! It’s not our job to figure out the HOW, or the WHEN, our only duty is to make sure that we’re FEELING GOOD!

So, if you don’t know me… you should know that I have an extreme personality.  You can only imagine what happen after this discovery, I went on a rampage of picking out things in my life that I am genuinely positive about and I honestly haven’t stopped since.  My conversation within my mind has changed and I feel like a brand new BEING.

I’m telling you guys, that I’m expecting some really big changes to happen soon.  And I sincerely vow, that as they happen, I’ll let you know the evidences.  I already feel more powerful, more confident, more at peace, and more understanding of my purpose than I’ve ever felt before.  It’s just a matter of when and according to what I’m feeling, SOON, everything will manifest itself.  In the mean time, I will just enjoy feeling so DAMN GOOD!!

The Only "Colored"

                

Yesterday, we built our first camp fire.  Even though it was a pretty warm evening, around 7:30 pm we sat around a flame and told stories from the historical colonial era of 1800’s- early 1900’s.

 “This land is your land, this land is my land,” we sing, clapping and stomping our feet.  This was the song that reminded me of the pioneer’s attitudes.  Beyond a doubt, the author of this song felt like this was their land.  Well, I guess it is because they STILL have it centuries later.

As the sun went down, we sing songs with accompanied wash boards and spoons to accompany our rhythm.  It was solid entertainment. Watching us all get into character, we wore our bonnets and top hats proudly, as we tapped into our childhoods pretending to be pioneers and settlers.  It was fun.  Hot, but fun.
Although we ended a little later than usual last night, we definitely still had to be back at the Forest shed 8:00 a.m. SHARP. Today is the day we get to learn about the historical tools that settlers used before there was the convenience of electricity.

We begin our quest through the trails and landed in an open field of land with two rusted wooden houses, an old water well with a pump, a fence created out of logs, and a wooden shed with lots of historical equipment inside.  These were real artifacts.

I was in absolute awe.  “So much history in one place,” I thought to myself.
Hmmm… could I have lived during this era?  Probably not, especially since I would be considered a “colored” woman.  And Lord knows I would’ve been a really bad slave.

The team leader of our group encouraged us to experience what they refer to as “simple tools” on site.  From what I could identify, we used rusted saws, axes, carvers, washing boards, and there was even this wooden horse settlers used to shave there logs into whatever they needed it to be.

For a moment, I could feel myself going into a deep silence.  Sitting on a tree stump underneath the tin shed, I settled down and watched my colleagues smile and give their best efforts in figuring out how the tools were originally meant to be used.

“What if one of the kids asks about slavery?” asked someone.
“Well, that’s not a conversation we encourage you to have with children.  It’s a very sensitive topic. If they ask, it’s up to you to answer it in a respectful, tactful, way,” responded our team leader.

Being the only “colored” on my team, I felt a slight shift of energy within myself and noticed a few eyes glancing at me.  As much as I hate to admit it, EVERYTIME I am reminded of that part of history, I get this feeling as if I knew the slaves personally.  It feels like I want to say something, but I don’t know what to say.  Being in this “colonial” setting didn’t quite help either.

“Don’t say anything,” I told myself.

 Not because I don’t have the audacity to speak up, but because I’m more concerned about speaking on a topic that will create dissonance instead of unity amongst myself and my team.   It’s not like they are slave owners.

So, where exactly am I going with this?  To be honest, I don’t quite know yet.  But, I do know that regardless of how I want to look at it, the pioneers’ colonization and slavery is a part of history for a reason.  And to be quite frank, whatever happens, is meant to happen.
God has blessed me with the wisdom to understand that everything works together for those who love him (Romans 8:28).  So, even though slavery isn’t considered to be a positive part of our past, whether we like it or not, at one point in history it was OK and concidered NORMAL.                                                                                         

So what does that have to do with us  today?

I think that today’s society will one day look back at our modern lifestyles and “tools” and discover that we TOO have errors.  I am a firm believer that everything truly happens for a reason.  That’s why I have to thank God for the settlers, their “simple tools”, their traditions, and their slaves.  I honestly, have to thank God for everything, because whether the settlers meant to do evil or not, I believe that if God allows anything to happen, it is a good thing.

Now think of the worst case scenario that you can possibly think of for your own life.  Yep, put it in your mind and feel the hurt and the fear of that mysterious reality.  Now, do yourself a favor and know that if that scenario ever actually happened, GOD’s got that under control too.  Remember, that at any point in time, what is good for us today, can be bad for us tomorrow because God is God, and whatever He allows to happen has happened, so who are we to suggest otherwise.

Let us celebrate the omnipotent God that we serve, who created the heavens, the earth and beyond.  For HE knows the amount of hair that we all individually have on our head (Mathew 10:30), so how much more do you think he knows about what is allowed to exist?  Everything has its own time, and there is a specific time for every activity under heaven.  (Ecclesiastes 3:1) and Yes, even slavery is included in this!

I listened to my heart and I didn’t say a word.  I enjoyed the experience of the colonial times and, even as the only “colored,” I thank God for it all.

I'm NOT Getting In!!

It feels good to know that I’m following my instincts and trusting it.  I woke up a little after 6 am to first give thanks and meditate… it’s something that I’ve been successfully doing everyday for about 3 weeks. It’s a habit I’ve always dreamed of forming.  My days go by a lot easier when I do and, with a clear conscious, I enjoy the presence of each moment, and it’s even more intense now that I’m in my “Wilderness.”     
                                                                                    
After about an hour of mediation and prayer, I threw a pair of black jeans and a plain green shirt on, gobbled down a bowl of imitation frosted-shredded wheat cereal, the Wal-mart brand, with my favorite Vanilla flavored rice milk and headed out to meet other staff members on the trail to our “Green Job.”

 It takes us about 15minutes each morning to walk to the camp grounds, it’s quite peaceful.  As we cross over the wooden bridge over the Lake, we say good morning to the spiders that have conveniently created their web traps in our paths the night before.  “Knock, knock, knock,” sings the woodpeckers high above the trees.  It’s completely serene, but I’m not as knowledgeable as my colleagues, who all seem to know much more about the type of animals and plants that we’re passing by.

Glancing over the bridge, I look into the Lake and recall, what I consider, a horror story that a camp advisor shared with me the first day I arrived.  So, apparently there’s some type of disease you can catch from getting in still water.  I honestly forgot the name of the virus, but somehow, by swimming in certain waters, microscopic parasites can get into your brain and in a matter of a week you can die.

By the time I got to the end of the bridge, there was no doubt that I was NOT getting in that water.
We arrived 2 minutes before our 8 am Forest training class.  Before we knew it, three hours passed by as we walked through the forest and learned how to identify trees, poison ivy, ecology patterns, how to know the difference between possum and armadillo footprints, and rehearsed a few corky-kids games that we’ll soon be playing with students.  The experience was frighteningly exhilarating!

Yes, frightening.
 I’ve never seen so many people excited to pick up a spider.  Witnessing one of my colleagues hold what look like a beetle with wings and analyze it face to face, all while explaining its different body parts and the “things” purpose, I got as sense that I may be in a little bit over my head.  But, of course, they were all so casual about the creepiest things, by the end of the Native trail tour I was ready and willing to pick up any bug too… well, maybe if it was already dead. Lol.

 Our lunch was short and sweet.  Although I knew we were scheduled to canoe in the Lake today, I refused to accept getting in it.  I didn’t put on any swimwear just so I could reiterate that to myself (and passive aggressively to the others) that I was NOT getting in. I’m actually nervous because I’ve been in a Lake before but I never been in “this” one. You know the one with the creepy bacteria-disease that could possibly kill you in a week.

As we stood around with our bright yellow and red life vest, which we always must wear “just in case” we fall in the water, I watched our instructor show us how to properly hold a canoe paddle.  Now, I think I remember going canoeing but I promise I was not the one paddling.  Before the class began, they asked if it was anyone’s first time. Too embarrassed to admit that possibility, I again thought to myself, “I’m way over my head.”

So, we all grab a canoe, and before you know it we’re all in the lake canoeing!!  How fun! The sun is out, the wind is blowing, I’m watching hawks, geese, Blue herons, and a variety of water bugs habitat their own spaces.  It’s like I’m trapped in a National Geographic segment on the Animal Channel.  It’s beyond amazing.

“Okay guy’s it’s time to get in. Today we’re going to learn how to rescue students if their canoe flips over,” shouted our instructor.

My mind’s cable channel quickly flashed back to the scene from the film Anaconda, you know the part where this snake the size of a ship shoots out the Amazon River and nearly eats every cast member on set?  Well, let’s just say I paddled my way all the way back to shore to use the restroom.

I’d purposely taken my time in hopes that when I return they would somehow forget that I was supposed to do a practice rescue.  Nope, didn’t happen.  Upon my return, the most adventurous colleague yet, the one who seems to be able to pick up bugs and kiss them without fear, came to greet me.

So, I took a deep breath, jumped back in my canoe and paddled back to the center of the lake.
Now, before it was my turn to perform a “rescue,” the instructor told me that in order to do that I didn’t HAVE to get in the water.  Whew… I thought to myself.  Thank God.
He replied, “Lucky you.”

So I rescued my pretend students from drowning without getting in the water, and apparently, I did a great job because people were clapping when I finished.

“Okay guys, we’re almost wrapped up for the day. We need one more volunteer to be a student.”
God responded, “Go ahead. Get in.”

What?!  Okay, I know you said that fear is not of you and all. But are you sure you want ME to get in this water?!
“Look at them, their having a blast. You’ll be fine”
"Alright, I’ll get it,” I said with a half smile.
 And I did. With my jeans and t-shirt, I jumped in.  And it was one of the greatest episodes of my life!  The moment the water hit my skin, was the moment every fearful thought dispersed into thin air.
God responded, “I knew you could do it.”

Funny thing is, while I was in the water, I decided to ask the head director about the whole bacteria thing.  He said it was a myth.  Ha.

Moral of the story?  Fear can only die after we face it.
“For God did not give us the spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love, and good judgment.” 2 Timothy1:7

The Wilderness- Day 1

Today is my first day in what I consider to be my "Wilderness."   For those of you who are bible savvy, you may have read of  Moses and the Israelite’s journey out of Egypt into the “wilderness” or I’m sure you’ve read how Jesus fast for 40 days right before his crucifixion just to gain clarity on his life’s purpose and be tempted by Satan.

 Like them, I too have entered into a very intimate time with God and, ironically, I’m actually in a wilderness… as in forest, as in the wild-rural area with possums, snakes, deer, Native trails, lakes and all. Okay, just so you guys don’t think that I’m in your local city park,  I literally have no cell phone service, no GPS signal, and if I need to use the internet I have to walk to a designated area on a trail into the office building.  Although I could’ve brought a TV, I decided not to.  But even if I did, there’s no cable.  I am here, as humbled as I can ever remember being. 

So, why did I do this to myself? Well… it wasn’t 100% my decision.

About 2 months ago, I was up at like 3 a.m. randomly on the internet in my apartment in Atlanta.  One click led to another, and I ended up on a “Green Job” website.  Now, at this hour I was not in applying mood, but something told me to just click on the link.  So I clicked away and saw all kinds of cool positions for environmental engineers, research groups, animal care positions,  and then my eyes landed on the “Green Job”  that moved my heart like I remember my heart being moved when I decided to quit my job three years ago to pursue my music career.  It was the same tug, the same feeling as if I needed to do something important.  If you ask anyone who knows me personally, they will tell you I have a special place in my heart for the color green, children, and the environment, and the job title just so happen to deal with them all, of course. 

Although I can honestly admit that I did not feel like applying for the job, even if it was “green,” it was now 4 a.m. and I haven’t worked for anyone in three years. After going back and forth with myself, I finally submitted to the small voice in my head saying, “Go ahead and apply.”   I typed up a decent cover letter, highlighted some interesting facts about myself and attached my resume to my email and sent it off, without any pressure.  It was almost as if I just wanted to see if it was going to work. 

Ha.  Well, obviously it did.  

So, here I am!  I won’t lie, when I arrived, I questioned whether the voice in my head was God or if it was my own mind playing tricks on me.  The week before I arrived, I can admit being in tears nearly every day, and it wasn’t because I didn’t want the position. 

Why you may ask?

Well, although I love green, children,  and the environment, I was crying, excuse me, weeping, because I was confused and, honestly, I felt betrayed.  Here I am, 26 years old, and my dream hasn’t fully come into fruition.  God what am I doing wrong?  When are your promises going to come to past?  Why are you leading me into the middle of nowhere, into a “green job” that seems to have nothing to do with what I want to do professionally? 

The answer came. 

“Because, you asked me to.”

 It was the same voice that told me to apply!!  I closed my eyes, with tears and snot running down my face, and I admitted to my heart, that this voice, was right.  I did ask for this.

Let me explain.  A long time ago, I asked God to take over my life.  I prayed this prayer, over and over and over again saying, “Our Farther, which art in heaven, hollowed be thy name.  Thy Kingdom Come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.”

When the answer came, all I could do was think about all the times I remember saying out loud, “God, I want what you want for my life because I know that you know ALL things and you know what’s best for me.”  At the time, that revelation came so easily, I remember it flowed out of my heart like the breath I breathed.  I was so assured that I made up in my mind I wanted the almighty God, that is, the God of Love, the God that was there before man’s existence, the God that is ruling the entire scope of the universe, the same God that led the Israelites of out of Egypt and Jesus on the cross, that’s the God I was talking to… I wanted that specific God to sincerely hear my prayer.  And Look at that, he did.

So, as I’m in my wilderness, I am going to aim to still believe and walk in my destiny.  I trust God.   He knows what he’s doing.  He’s been doing it forever.  And I believe with all my heart that God, first created me and the desires of my heart.  So, I have to now pray for the patience and wisdom to receive the strength to walk through my wilderness in FATIH.  Believing without seeing, that’s the only way to become stronger. 


Now, to most, it may seem like I’m doomed.  “Prisci Polet, talented girl.  Man, she almost made it.”  I can hear it now.  But, it is my utmost honor to serve as yet another living example of true FAITH in the highest God, the God who created the heavens and the earth.  It’s my honor to humbly accept my life as it shows up because I believe that the prayer that I prayed a long time ago, offering my body as a living sacrifice will surely give glory where it is due! 

Thanks for reading.  I love you guys.  Keep the faith as I keep mine.  Pray without ceasing.  Trust in the lord with all your heart and Lean not on your own understanding!! (Proverbs 3:5-6)